Most Boring Class

           THE MOST BORING CLASS IN THE WORLD
                             by Janet S. Tiger
                  (c) 2007 all rights reserved

For royalty information
please email tigerteam1@gmail.com
or call 858-274-9678

Teachers - This is great for first time drama students - has parts for the entire class, many with only a few lines. Some great opportunities for tech and costume starters. Another plus - although it's been tested on audiences, it hasn't been seen outside of San Diego yet, so you can probably get it as a premiere for your community.

SYNOPSIS -
An ordinary classroom, with ordinary students…or is it? Three sets of students are ready for another day in Mr. Dillon’s History class – but it turns out that something is going on that is not in the history books!

CHARACTERS –

1960s- Heather- hippie, miniskirt, headband

Steve- long hair, matching headband

1980s- Michael math geek

Donna – dressed like Madonna and Flashdance

2000s- Brittany -tattoos, piercing

Jeremy -- short hair, earring

SET - This is a typical high school classroom that has gone through the changes of many years. We know it is a history class because there is a big sign, faded that declares,

“Those who do not learn the lessons of history are doomed to repeat this class."

There are old-style chairs from the 60s with the writing table attached, and an old-fashioned chalk-board, but there are signs of the 70s, 80s and 90s, too, even the new millennia, though, in modern maps, and perhaps a picture of the current President or other up-to-date world affairs people.

(As the play begins, we hear students arriving in the halls – this is a medium sized high school, somewhere in the Midwest, during the winter, so kids entering the class have on heavy coats – when they arrive, everyone looks the same – bundled. But as everyone takes off their coats, we see something unusual.

First couple to enter is Heather and Steve. Heather is pretty, with long hair and a headband, wearing a mini-shirt and something- jewelry or shirt or headband that has a peace sign on it. Steve is Heather’s boyfriend, with a matching headband and matching long hair. They are very physical, but stop when others enter the room.

The next couple is Michael and Donna . She is dressed like Madonna, but with the ripped sweatshirt from Flashdance. Michael has on Tom Cruise Aviator sunglasses, but is a little geeky. Although we see they like each other, they do not touch often.

Then we see Brittany and Jeremy enter, dressed a la Spears and Federline or Angelina and Brad, plus she has a nose ring and he has an earring. They obviously have been a couple -they have matching tattoos on their arms, ipods, but no more, and this is weird as we can see they still like each other

As they remove their heavy winter coats and see the others, each couple is a little surprised.)

STEVE
HEATHER (All together to each other)
They must be new in class.

BRITTANY
JEREMY
MICHAEL
DONNA

STEVE - Where’s Mr. Dillon?

HEATHER - Probably making copies of something to put us to sleep.

BRITTANY - Are you, like, in Mr. Dillon’s class?

HEATHER - Yeah, all year…are you?

STEVE –I know this class is boring, but I don’t remember you guys.

MICHAEL - It is boring!

DONNA - How boring is it?

ALL TOGETHER - It’s so boring that…

STEVE -…They handed out pillows with the textbooks!

JEREMY - When I think of Mr. Dillon, I (starts to snore)

HEATHER - Mrs. Reynolds is almost as boring…

STEVE - Yeah, but she wears those blouses…

DONNA - She’s old!

MICHAEL –

STEVE - Who cares?

JEREMY

STEVE - It does perk up the class!

DONNA

HEATHER- Boys!

BRITTANY

MICHAEL – Does anyone know what’s Mr. Dillon’s first name?

DONNA - Whatever it is, it’s gotta be dull!

BRITTANY - Not as dull as the war…

STEVE – I don’t know, World War II wasn’t that bad…

MICHAEL - World War II – we’re doing the Vietnam War now!

HEATHER – The Vietnam War – we’re not studying that!

STEVE – Yeah, we’re protesting it!

BRITTANY – I thought we were doing the Gulf War….

HEATHER

STEVE (Together) What?

MICHAEL

DONNA

MICHAEL – (Puzzled) When was that?

BRITTANY – Well, it happened when I was a baby, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t

happen…(To Jeremy) It did happen, didn’t it?

JEREMY – (Disgusted ) Yeah, it happened…

STEVE - So how old do you think Dullon is?

DONNA - He’s pretty old…
----------------------------------------------

HEATHER - He’s gotta be at least 35-40…

JEREMY - Are you kidding…75….

STEVE - Yeah, anyone over 40 might as well be 100! They’re all part of the

establishment….

(Steve goes over to Jeremy, who is letting Brittany listen to some music on an ipod)

STEVE - Hey, man, what is that?

JEREMY – An ipod…

STEVE - Oh…

(Steve goes over to Heather)

STEVE – Something for plant biology, probably for the science fair….

HEATHER - Cool…

(Michael goes over to Steve.)

MICHAEL - So, how bad do you hate this class….

STEVE - Actually, this is a very special class for Heather and me…

HEATHER - (holds his hand) Yeah….we first started to…

STEVE - This is where we first slept together….

HEATHER - (Pretends to be embarrassed) Steve!

STEVE - It’s true….Heather and I fell asleep during one of Dullman’s lectures

about…(tries to remember) about…

HEATHER – About the Depression…it was depressing!

STEVE – We fell asleep and Dillon woke us up at the end of class and we had to do

detention together…

DONNA - That’s what happened with Michael and me – we were passing notes…

MICHAEL - For days…
---------------------------------------------------------

DONNA – Then he caught us…

MICHAEL – And read one of the notes out loud…

DONNA – Talk about an embarrassing moment…

JEREMY - (Thinking) That sounds familiar…

MICHAEL – It was at the beginning of the year…

DONNA - (Blushing) What a year…

BRITTANY - Mr. Dillon isn’t so bad…

(They all groan)

BRITTANY - He assigned me and Jeremy to work together on a project about the Cold

War….

JEREMY - (Remembers) That wasn’t …OK…

BRITTANY - It wasn’t so cold, was it…

JEREMY – (Ignores this) We might even be up for a big state history prize…that’d help

with college next year…

BRITTANY – I don’t think college is that big a deal..

JEREMY - That’s because you’re not going…

BRITTANY - I am too going to college! I’m going to the community college…Not

everybody can be a genius, Jeremy….(A little nasty, under her breath) Jeremy Genius…

JEREMY - Cut it out, Brittany!

MICHAEL - Hey, what’s the deal on Dillon? He’s usually here early…

DONNA - There was a lot of snow this morning…

HEATHER – (A little high) It was cool….It looked like white blankets for all the trees…

STEVE - Yeah, it’s hard to come in here and do anything except just stare out the

window…

---------------------------------------------------------------------

DONNA – (To Heather) I like your skirt – where’d you get it?

HEATHER – Over at Rowling’s …

DONNA - (Surprised) Didn’t that place close down like an age ago?

HEATHER - (Her turn to be surprised) I just got this last month..

DONNA - Is it near the mall ?

HEATHER - What mall?

BRITTANY - Yeah, what mall?

DONNA - The West Ridge Mall!

BRITTANY - That place was torn down when I was a baby – they have apartments there

now…

HEATHER - What apartments? There’s no apartments on West Ridge!

BRITTANY – I may be dumb, but I know there are apartments…

DONNA – How do you know?

BRITTANY – Because I live in one of them.

JEREMY - This is freaky…

STEVE - Yeah, I don’t recognize you guys as being in this class..

MICHAEL - Me neither.

BRITTANY - but we all know Mr. Dillon…

STEVE - Wait a minute…

(Steve runs to the bookshelf and pulls out a book to show them.)

STEVE – Have you ever seen…

MICHAEL - The Guinness Book…

JEREMY – Of World Records?

(They all laugh and this freaks them out some more.)

7
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

DONNA - Didn’t everybody write in that?

STEVE - It started with me….

DONNA – It was a class tradition…

(They all look at it together.)

STEVE - (Reading) The Most Boring Class in the World…

HEATHER - (Reading) Class of 1966!

MICHAEL - And I wrote

DONNA - Class of 1986…

JEREMY – And I wrote

BRITTANY – Class of 2006…

(As they read this, they all pull apart, now really getting worried)

HEATHER – How could it be…

(No one wants to say it, but Steve decides to go for it.)

STEVE - (Scared) What year is this?

BRITTANY

JEREMY - 2006

DONNA

MICHAEL - 1986

HEATHER

STEVE - 1966

STEVE - Maybe I shouldn’t have smoked this morning…

JEREMY - I didn’t take anything…

MICHAEL – Not this morning…

8
--------------------------------------------------------

DONNA – I never have….

BRITTANY - (Excited ) I think I saw this on TV- we’re in a…time warp!

HEATHER - Like on the Twilight Zone…

JEREMY - That is retro…

STEVE - What?

BRITTANY - We must all be here for a reason - that’s what happens on those shows…

JEREMY - Shut up, Brittany…that is so stupid..

DONNA - (Annoyed) Don’t you tell her to shut up!

JEREMY - Hey, you’re not my mother…

DONNA - What does that have to do with it – you don’t talk to your girlfriend like that!

MICHAEL - Yeah, man, it’s not cool…

JEREMY - She’s not my girlfriend! We just hooked up a few times, worked on a

project…

BRITTANY - (Sarcastic) Yeah, he’s too smart for me, he’s going to a REAL college,

not community…

JEREMY - I didn’t mean that…

BRITTANY – Yeah, you did…

HEATHER - Let’s not fight – it’s better to make love, not war…

JEREMY - I remember that – it was a slogan from the 60s….

BRITTANY - So that kinds of explains all your weird clothing…

HEATHER

DONNA - (Amazed) Our clothing?

BRITTANY - Yeah, like what is this?

(She indicates something on Heather’s outfit)

9
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

STEVE - And what is this?

(He pulls at Jeremy’s earring.)

JEREMY – Hey, man I just got that done, it still hurts a little…

MICHAEL - Earrings for guys!

(He shudders and Steve joins him)

BRITTANY - So what’re your names?

STEVE - I’m Steve, and this is Heather…

DONNA - I’m Donna, like Madonna, only better…

MICHAEL - Michael….

JEREMY – Jeremy and

BRITTANY - Brittany.. whew….that makes me feel better…

JEREMY - That none of these people is in our class?

STEVE – (Aggressive) Hey, maybe it’s that you’re not in our class!

JEREMY - Hey, man, chill…

BRITTANY - I just mean, my parents’ names are Laurie and Joe, so, like, none of you

would have been my parents…

JEREMY - Well, that makes no sense…

BRITTANY – In all those time deals, it’s like you meet your parents, when they’re

younger, so you can understand that, I guess, like they had the same problems you do. Something like that…

MICHAEL - My Mom and Dad were killed in a car crash when I was a baby…I was

raised by my grandparents…

DONNA - I was a little weirded out when you said your name was Steve, because my

Dad’s name is Steve….

JEREMY – Yeah, My Mom’s name is Donna, but my Dad’s name was Luke – and they’ve been divorced since I was a baby….so, Brittany, try to think of another TV show that works…
10
======================================

BRITTANY - (Doesn’t realize he’s joking) OK, what about Superman? Could this be

like, Smallville or something?

STEVE - But, like, how did we get here?

HEATHER - Honey, it has something to do with this class…

STEVE - I can figure that one out…

MICHAEL – And we’re all going out with the person we’re here with…

JEREMY - Not us…we just, are like, you know, friends..

MICHAEL - But you used to..

JEREMY - (Reluctant to admit0 Yeah…

DONNA - Forget how we got here, I’d like to know how we get out of here…

BRITTANY - Maybe we can build like a time machine…

JEREMY – Another great idea..

DONNA – Hey, leave her alone, at least she’s trying…

MICHAEL - If this is some kind of time warp-

(The others all go 0000-oooh together)

MICHAEL – (Ignores them) Then the key is in some type of Einsteinian theory

JEREMY - Because he worked with time space continuum…

MICHAEL – Right…

JEREMY - So are you a math geek?

MICHAEL - I guess…

JEREMY - So what kind of computer do you have?

MICHAEL - I can’t afford one of those…they’re like $3000!

STEVE - Computer? You mean like the one they showed us on campus when we went

for the game? That’s a whole building!

11
----------------------------------------------------------------

JEREMY - Not anymore…

(He shows him his laptop and the others are impressed, especially Steve and Heather.)

JEREMY - (Gets excited) Hey, I’ve got an idea…

(He opens the laptop and starts to type)

JEREMY - We can google our names and maybe figure out what’s happening…

BRITTANY - That’s so not going to work…

JEREMY - Why not?

BRITTANY - Electric things never work in a time warp! Everyone knows that!

JEREMY – Yeah, right… maybe electricity doesn’t work, but the Internet still

does…here I am… Parents - Donna and Luke Stevens…born….Jeremy Alan Stevens….three first names, that’s my mom’s bright idea…

(When Jeremy says the name, everyone laughs except Donna)

JEREMY - Yeah, it’s all here….

BRITTANY - Do me! Do me!

JEREMY - (Ha more than one meaning for him) Ok…..Brittany

Richfield…..parents….Thomas and Cindy…..there you are…1544 West Ridge South…Apt. 327….

DONNA - (Quiet) Can you look me up?

JEREMY - Sure, anyone…. Yeah, for a minute I was nervous when you said your name

was Donna, but….

DONNA - Donna Basinger….my parents were Edna and Steve Basinger….

JEREMY - (Stops, shaken) Basinger?

STEVE - (Doesn’t get it) Hey, my last name’s Basinger…

HEATHER – (Starting to get it) Edna and Steve Basinger?

-------------------------------------------------------------

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              Note about Production info - each of the following plays will have pages with more specific nfo on production details.

THE AFFIDAVIT
    Running time – 15 minutes            $6.00/script
    Set – pawnshop 1940’s
    2 characters   1 man – 40s
        1 woman – 25-35

    A desperate woman brings a cherished family heirloom to a pawnbroker to try and get money to rescue her father from Nazi-occupied Austria. Will she get the money? And at what cost? Fast-paced with a surprising end.

This play has won numerous awards including DFAS National 1-Act Playwriting contest –(First Place)and Gassner Memorial One-Act Playwriting Competition (Honorable Mention.)

THE AFFIDAVIT is published in ONE-ACT PLAYS FOR ACTING STUDENTS edited by Norman A. Bert (Meriwether Publishing, Colorado)

The productions are too numerous to list at this point, but include New York (Off-off Broadway, New Zealand, Canada, Austria…..if you have had a production in another country and want it listed here, please e-mail tigerteam1@mail.com     For more info about THE AFFIDAVIT, including photos and production info, click here

BLIND WOMAN’S BLUFF
Running time – 25 minutes            $8.00/script
    Set – living room, semi-rundown
    2 characters   1 man – early 20s
        1 woman – late 60s

An old blind woman puts a classified ad in the paper and a young man answers the ad - but is he there to buy or to rip her off? Quick, funny and a good showcase piece for actors.

Winner DFAS National One-act Playwriting Contest 3rd Place
Published in PERSPECTIVES THREE
                 (HBJ, Canada -8th grade textbook)
Pioneer Drama Service

Since its first publication, BLIND WOMAN'S BLUFF has had numerous productions. If you would like your production included in the upcoming page 'where in the world have I seen this play?', please e-mail the details totigerteam1@gmail.com

BLIND WOMAN'S BLUFF is available through PIONEER DRAMA SERVICE. Please click here to purchase via their website. http://pioneerdrama.com/searchdetail.asp?pc=BLINDWOMAN&id=26

.Click here for production info and photos.

CURSE OF THE DUCHESS(monologue)
Running time – 15 minutes            $8.00/script
    Set –   minimal - chair, table, lamp
              Lighting and sound effects very important
    Character - The duchess - in her late 80s, very British

A duchess recounts how a curse changed her life. Touching- a tour de force for an older actress.

    Winner - DFAS National 1-Act Playwriting Contest 2nd Place
    Produced - Five Flags Theatre, Dubuque, Iowa
    Televised - Public Access Cable Channel Iowa

–

DAY OF ATONEMENT
Running time – 15 minutes            $10.00/script
    Set – kitchen, living area middle-class New York late 1970s
    2 characters    2 women, both 60s, both with Polish accent

Finalist - Fritz Blitz Contest for One-Act Plays, San Diego, CA

Produced - December 2006   San Diego, CA   Swedenborg Hall
                     August 2006          Dubuque, Iowa Winner DFAS National One-Act Playwriting Contest

Two women, lifelong friends, face Yom Kippur (the Jewish New Year also known as the Day of Atonement) with different ideas. Great showpiece for two older actresses.
–    Click here for photos and production info

DON’T YOU CRY FOR ME

Running time – 35 minutes            $10.00/script
   Time- 1966 Late summer evening of a very hot day, almost dusk
     Set – Sitting room in a gracoious house in a rural Atlanta suburb
     Characters - 2 men, 2 women all with Southern accents

The death of his father - and an unusual request in the will - leads a young man to deal with major issues in his life, and his family, in a very Southern finale.

Strong language

Award -Fritz Blitz of New Plays
Produced-   The Seventh Annual Fritz Blitz of New Plays, San Diego, CA

This play is part of the TRANSFUSION trilogy. (The other is OH, SUSANNAH) There is a discount if all three plays in the trilogy are purchased at the same time. FINALE
Running time –8-10 minutes            $10.00/script
   Time- The past
      Set – Bare stage
     Characters - 1 man mid 20s, strong Cockney accent

A magician gives a performance - with a surprising finale.

This one-act was published with funds from a grant provided by the Dramatists Guild Fund

First production - Swedenborg Hall, San Diego, 2008
Great piece for auditions and competitions.

INTERVIEW - New title - HORNET'S NEST

Running time – 45 minutes            $10.00/script
    Set –    Living room as talk show set
    Characters - 2 men, 2 women

     Strong language.

Finalist - 2nd Annual Robert R. Lehan Playwriting Awards,
                                           Westfield State College, Westfield, MASS

Welcome to the Hornet's Nest - a radio talk show that can be very interesting - and dangerous. When Audrey Hornet hosts a political guest that used to be an old lover, anything can happen. And it does. Riveting suspense that build to an explosive climax - keeps audiences on the edge of their seats.

OH, SUSANNAH

Running time – 15 minutes            $10.00/script
    Set – Midwest middle-class living room
    2 characters   1 man – Russian accent, 70s
        1 woman- American, 70s

This play was completed with funds from a COMBO-NEA Grant.

Produced - Vintage Theatre, San Diego, CA 1993

Susannah returns from her husband's funeral to find a suitor at her doorstep.

–   This play is part of the TRANSFUSION trilogy. (The other is OH, SUSANNAH)There is a discount if all three plays in the trilogy are purchased at the same time.

SAVE A PLACE FOR ME

Running time – 15 minutes            $10.00/script
    Set – Bus stop
    Characters - 2 men, 2 women

This play was commissioned by the Aaronson Foundation.




SCRIPTEASE

Running time – 45 minutes            $10.00/script
    Set –        modern living room
    Characters - 5 men –30-s-50-s
                             4 women – 20-40's
Lead female needs British accent

A well-known playwright is found dead at the reading of his newest play - which of his 'friends' didn't like his latest literary offering?

Mystery with a DEATHTRAP twist - fast and funny with some good chances for stylist characterizations and staging.

***Janet S. Tiger's first full production!   Southwestern College Chula Vista, CA
****Special note
This play was produced by Scripteasers, the well-known San Diego Writers-Actors group that has helped new playwrights for over 50 years! Janet S. Tiger had her first play read at Scripteasers in ....well, many years ago. It was very.......long. But the Scripteasers helped her improve her writing, and most of her plays had first readings at one of their meetings. SCRIPTEASE was written as a 'thank you' , and it was produced by Scripteasers in May 1981. For more information, you can visit the Scripteasers website www scripteasers . org.

SWEEPSTAKES

Running time – 45 minutes            $10.00/script
    Set – semi-rundown apartment
    Characters - 2 men, 50s, 60s

Winner - 1986 West Coast Ensemble Festival of One-Acts
Produced - Playbill Theatre, Los Angeles, CA 1986 (extended run)

   Strong language

THE WAITING ROOM (also available in full-length)
Running time –    45 minutes        $10.00/script
    Set – living room/dining room European, circa 1938
    Characters   2 men –25-50
      3 women – 25-75

A Jewish family in Vienna, Austria, just before World War II, is faced with crucial decisions about taking the opportunity to leave - or staying behind with an aged and ill relative. Basic human questions about the value of life and importance of family are confronted. Poignant drama.

This play has won many awards, including the Gassner Memorial and the DFAS National Playwriting Contest.. THE WAITING ROOM has been produced numerous times, from San Diego to New York. For more details, please e-mailtigerteam1@gmail.com

.

MONOLOGUES- For samples from the monologues, click here


Please e-mail for royalty rates – rates depend on ticket price, number of shows, theater size, etc.

All of the following are available via e-mail.

**Special offer- Buy one monologue and have it sent via e-mail only (no snail mail) and I will send you a second monologue FREE. (Save a tree, too!)

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          MONOLOGUES

THE TOWEL LADY
Running time –3 minutes            $5.00/script
    Set – minimal, some towels, a clothesline, washbasket
    1 character         1 older woman – 50s-60s

A woman hangs out her laundry while telling her unusual views on towels - and life.

This is possibly Janet S. Tiger's most produced work, having had numerous productions nationally and internationally. This is also a popular piece for drama contests and auditions.
Buy now
GET A COLD
Running time –8 minutes            $5.00/script
    Set – simple, future
    1 characters   1 man – older

A man from the future describes the delight he has in the simple pleasure of...getting a cold.
(****This monologue was completed in August 2005 -it is part of the full-length play THE END OF DEATH, which will receive its world premiere in August 2007 at Swedenborg Hall in San Diego.)

‘BLOOD’ monologue from TRANSFUSION
Running time –            $4..00/script monologue - $!5.00 full-length play
    Set – bare stage
    1 character   1 man – 40s

A moving expression of a man who is trying to deal with a transfusion from his son - a transfusion that has given him AIDS.

This monologue has been very successful in both state and national competitions.
Click here to see one winner who used this monologue.

CURSE OF THE DUCHESS(monologue)

Running time – 15 minutes            $8.00/script
    Set –   minimal - chair, table, lamp
              Lighting and sound effects very important
    Character - The duchess - in her late 80s, very British

A duchess recounts how a curse changed her life. Touching- a tour de force for an older actress.
    Winner - DFAS National 1-Act Playwriting Contest 2nd Place
    Produced - Five Flags Theatre, Dubuque, Iowa
    Televised - Public Access Cable Channel Iowa

THE AIRPORT MONOLOGUES- (all set in an airport)

   THIS FLIGHT HAS BEEN DELAYED
    AIRPORT DREAMS

AUDITION PIECE - THE WINNER

ALWAYS IN MY HEART

Other new monologues-

WHAT HAVE I FORGOTTEN THIS TIME?

'When I was a little girl' monologue (female 30-50)
'Tillie's' monologue (female teens-30s)
                    both from THE END OF DEATH

Monologue from DON'T YOU CRY FOR ME (male)

More works by Janet S. Tiger will be coming soon - she has a drawer full of over 100 monologues/plays/screenplays/books that are 10-70% completed.

PRODUCTION INFO -
For more details, click on PRODUCTIONS button at the top of the page

Plays by Janet S. Tiger have been performed throughout the world including United States, Canada, England, Austria and New Zealand. If your group has performed a play by Janet S. Tiger and would like to have it listed on the PRODUCTIONS page which will include international productions, please e-mail details of the production to tigerteam1@gmail.com.

Unusual facts about some of Janet S. Tiger's productions-
1st Reading - UGANDA at a Scripteasers meeting in....a long time ago. (See info about the one-act SCRIPTEASE.)

1st production - SCRIPTEASE (one-act) in 1981 was directed by William Virchis

Janet S. Tiger's plays have won awards five times in the DFAS National One-Act Playwriting Contest -

THE WAITING ROOM -2nd place 1982
THE AFFIDAVIT - 1st place 1983
BLIND WOMAN'S BLUFF - 3rd place 1984
SAVE A PLACE FOR ME - Honorable Mention 1989
CURSE OF THE DUCHESS- 2nd place 1990

The first three prizes were won by Janet Schechter (the 'S' in Janet S. Tiger), the others after she married Stanley Tiger. Janet traveled to Dubuque, Iowa to watch the productions in 1982, 1983 and 1984, and made many friends that she still is in touch with today. For more info on the DFAS Contest, google Dubuque Fine Arts Players One-Act Playwriting Contest