Nobody Told Me
a monologue by Janet S. Tiger
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This page contains work by Janet S. Tiger.
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NOBODY TOLD ME (c) (I'd Have to Pee in Public)
By Janet S. Tiger www/PlaysByJanetSTiger.com
858-274-9678
(Notes - this is a brand new monologue, available for only $1!)
(A young woman comes out onstage – she is
pretty, well-dressed, but bewildered.)
Nobody told me I’d have to pee in public! I mean, what is that? Like I get to this awful place and it has the ugliest colors – I mean, I think if they had nicer colors people would act nicer.
And then they take a picture of me and do not EVEN let me look at a mirror first! Talk about against the constitution!
Then this woman in VERY unflattering shoes takes me to a room and (hard to remember) and they take all my clothing! And then they…..they (almost whispers) look inside of your body. And not just your mouth!
(Shakes as if she has bugs crawling all over her)
EWWWWW!
And then they give you clothing that is very uncomfortable…..I will not even mention how hideous it was.
And then they put you in a room and there are bars and there is no, like no closed place. I mean everyone can see you….and they wanted me to pee in this…toilet….but there was no…PRIVACY!
I mean how can they do that to you? It is just so …mean.
And all because I had a couple of drinks! How stupid is that? I mean everyone drinks. I did learn my lesson though – next time, I will let someone else drive, even if I’m alone. (Looks around at the crowd.) I can see what you’re thinking. You may watch everything about me on the news, but you think you’re smarter than me. I know. But I’m not stupid! I’ve won prizes! OK, so maybe for worst actress, but it was a small part, so being the worst is almost like…..winning the Oscar!
That’s because being the worst and being the best….is like the same! That’s what I learned in school, here………………….(she circles her face)….this is the zero on the number line. Here is the best (holds arm to the right, and here is the worst. Same distance from zero! Didn’t you have to go to math class? And no one accused me of being a zero….ever!
But when I walk into a party, they give me a check ……with 6 zeros on it ….that’s one million dollars. Is that stupid? I don’t think so!
And that little kid on the bike – I mean I didn’t kill him or anything, he was ok. He wasn’t hurt that bad! I mean, he had a broken arm – well, I had a broken arm when I was a kid, it’s like, part of growing up. And he’ll get to have his friends sign his arm, and that’s fun, isn’t it? (Almost wistful) And he’ll get more attention from everyone, and his parents will spend a little time with him before they leave for an exotic resort in Cancun….(back to herself) …and I don’t see what the big fuss is.
(Less bubbly) And now I have to go back to court and there’s all kinds of hassles, and my mom and dad said that this is one thing that they can’t fix. I REALLY don’t get that. What’s money for anyhow?
And the worst part is…I may have to do some (says it like it’s a curse) charity work. The lawyer says I need to think about what I’ve done and how I now have empathy for people who have less than I do. This is something I really don’t understand – everyone has less than I do – how can I possibly have empathy for the entire world?
So I thought hard, and I realized that maybe what happened to me changed my point of view – and it has, I think. I mean a lot of poor people go to jail and have to pee in public, so I guess…. we have something in common. That’s what I’m gonna tell the judge. And I will throw myself on the mercy of the court.
(She smiles – you can see she isn’t really sure about this.)
And then it’ll all be over, and I will never have to pee in public again. And everything will go back to the way it was. And I will be very happy. I think.
(She takes a deep breath then walks offstage.
The end.)
TIPS ON CHOOSING A GREAT MONOLOGUE
by Janet S. Tiger
I've seen many actors do thousands of monologues - some
of them mine. I've learned a few things - and I have a great deal
of admiration for all actors. (A special thank you to DJ
Sullivan, who gives a fantastic acting class - her home was the
location of my first reading!)
1. Know your strengths - if you have a great memory, you can choose a
longer piece that might have a greater punch for the
judges/audiences. If you do a wonderful New York accent, try a
piece that shows off this ability. Or, if you know the part
you're auditioning for is athletic, find a monologue that has motion as
well as dialogue.
2. Read a lot of different monologues for different ages - if you
find you can do a great senior citizen, this can expand the range of
monologues you can try.
3. Try less known writers - the judges and audiences have heard
Hamlet/Goodbye Girl/ Neil Simon/David Mamet a million times. If
you find a playwright that hasn't had work done in your community, you
have a better chance of keeping the audience interest.
4. Test out monologues on people who aren't related to you - the
mailperson, strangers at a rec/senior center - so that you get visual
and verbal feedback on different monologues.
This website has some monologues that might not have been seen or heard in your school.
Most of my work is on computer, so I can e-mail to you as soon as I receive a confirmation from PayPal.
Also, I offer two free monologues - one male, one female - to
give you an idea of what my writing style is like. If you're
interested in a free monologue, please contact me at
tigerteam1@gmail.com.
I guarantee you'll like my work - or I'll give you another monologue free.
Break a leg!
Below are one-acts,
if you want to see my full Monologue page,
click on the Monologue button at the top of this page.
This web site is under construction, but if you need to contact Janet S. Tiger immediately, please e-mail tigerteam1@gmail.com or call 858-274-9678.
These are some of my one-acts, for monologues, please click the Monologue button at the top of the page.
- Note - if your school doesn't use PayPay and you need something immediately, please call 858-274-9678 or e-mail tigerteam1@gmail.com. (I can send an invoice if necessary once your school status is approved.)
THE AFFIDAVIT
Running time – 15 minutes $6.00/script
Set – pawnshop
1940’s
2 characters 1 man – 40s
1 woman – 25-35
A desperate woman brings a cherished family heirloom to a pawnbroker to
try and get money to rescue her father from Nazi-occupied
Austria. Will she get the money? And at what cost?
Fast-paced with a surprising end.
This play has won numerous
awards including DFAS National 1-Act Playwriting contest –(First
Place)and Gassner Memorial One-Act Playwriting Competition (Honorable
Mention.)
THE AFFIDAVIT is published in ONE-ACT PLAYS FOR ACTING STUDENTS edited by Norman A. Bert (Meriwether Publishing, Colorado)
The productions are too numerous to list at this
point, but include New York (Off-off Broadway, New Zealand, Canada,
Austria…..if you have had a production in another country and want it
listed here, please e-mail tigerteam1@mail.com
BLIND WOMAN’S BLUFF
Running time – 25 minutes $8.00/script
Set – living room,
semi-rundown
2 characters 1 man – early 20s
1 woman – late 60s
An old blind woman puts a classified ad in the paper and a young man
answers the ad - but is he there to buy or to rip her off? Quick,
funny and a good showcase piece for actors.
Winner DFAS National One-act Playwriting Contest 3rd Place
Published in PERSPECTIVES THREE
(HBJ, Canada -8th grade textbook)
Since its first publication, BLIND WOMAN'S BLUFF has had numerous
productions. If you would like your production included in the
upcoming page 'where in the world have I seen this play?', please
e-mail the details to tigerteam1@gmail.com
.
CURSE OF THE DUCHESS(monologue)
Running time – 15 minutes $8.00/script
Set
– minimal - chair, table, lamp
Lighting and sound
effects very important
Character - The duchess - in her late 80s, very British
A duchess recounts how a curse changed her life. Touching- a tour de force for an older actress.
Winner - DFAS National 1-Act Playwriting Contest 2nd Place
Produced - Five Flags Theatre, Dubuque, Iowa
Televised - Public Access Cable Channel Iowa
–
DAY OF ATONEMENT
Running time – 15 minutes $10.00/script
Set
– kitchen, living area middle-class New York late
1970s
2 characters 2 women, both 60s, both with Polish accent
Finalist - Fritz Blitz Contest for One-Act Plays, San Diego, CA
Two women, lifelong friends, face Yom Kippur (the Jewish New Year also
known as the Day of Atonement) with different ideas. Great
showpiece for two older actresses.
–
DON’T YOU CRY FOR ME
Running time – 35 minutes $10.00/script
Time- 1966 Late summer evening of a very hot day, almost dusk
Set
– Sitting room in a gracoious house in a rural Atlanta suburb
Characters - 2 men, 2 women all with Southern accents
The death of his father - and an unusual request in the will - leads a
young man to deal with major issues in his life, and his family, in a
very Southern finale.
Strong language
Award -Fritz Blitz of New Plays
Produced- The Seventh Annual Fritz Blitz of New Plays, San Diego, CA
This
play is part of the TRANSFUSION trilogy. (The other is OH,
SUSANNAH) There is a discount if all three plays in the trilogy are
purchased at the same time.
INTERVIEW
Running time – 45 minutes $10.00/script
Set
– Living room as talk show set
Characters - 2 men, 2 women
Strong language.
Finalist - 2nd Annual Robert R. Lehan Playwriting Awards,
Westfield State College, Westfield, MASS
Welcome to the Hornet's Nest - a radio talk show that can be very
interesting - and dangerous. When Audrey Hornet hosts a political
guest that used to be an old lover, anything can happen. And it
does. Riveting suspense that build to an explosive climax - keeps
audiences on the edge of their seats.
OH, SUSANNAH
Running time – 15 minutes $10.00/script
Set
– Midwest middle-class living room
2 characters 1 man – Russian accent, 70s
1 woman- American, 70s
This play was completed with funds from a COMBO-NEA Grant.
Produced - Vintage Theatre, San Diego, CA 1993
Susannah returns from her husband's funeral to find a suitor at her doorstep.
– This
play is part of the TRANSFUSION trilogy. (The other is OH,
SUSANNAH)There is a discount if all three plays in the trilogy are
purchased at the same time.
SAVE A PLACE FOR ME
Running time – 15 minutes $10.00/script
Set
– Bus stop
Characters - 2 men, 2 women
This play was commissioned by the Aaronson Foundation.
SCRIPTEASE
Running time – 45 minutes $10.00/script
Set
– modern living room
Characters - 5 men –30-s-50-s
4 women – 20-40's
Lead female needs British accent
A well-known playwright is found dead at the reading of his newest play
- which of his 'friends' didn't like his latest literary
offering?
Mystery with a DEATHTRAP twist - fast and funny with some good chances for stylist characterizations and staging.
***Janet S. Tiger's first full production! Southwestern College Chula Vista, CA
****Special note
This play was produced by Scripteasers, the well-known San Diego
Writers-Actors group that has helped new playwrights for over 50
years! Janet S. Tiger had her first play read at Scripteasers in
....well, many years ago. It was very.......long. But the
Scripteasers helped her improve her writing, and most of her plays had
first readings at one of their meetings. SCRIPTEASE was
written as a 'thank you' , and it was produced by Scripteasers in May
1981. For more information, you can visit the Scripteasers
website www
scripteasers . org.
SWEEPSTAKES
Running time – 45 minutes $10.00/script
Set
– semi-rundown apartment
Characters - 2 men, 50s, 60s
Winner - 1986 West Coast Ensemble Festival of One-Acts
Produced - Playbill Theatre, Los Angeles, CA 1986 (extended run)
Strong language
THE WAITING ROOM (also available in full-length)
Running time – 45 minutes $10.00/script
Set – living room/dining room European, circa 1938
Characters 2 men –25-50
3 women – 25-75
A Jewish family in Vienna, Austria, just before World War II, is faced
with crucial decisions about taking the opportunity to leave - or
staying behind with an aged and ill relative. Basic human
questions about the value of life and importance of family are
confronted. Poignant drama.
This play has won many awards, including the Gassner Memorial and the
DFAS National . THE WAITING ROOM has been produced numerous
times, from San Diego to New York. For more details, please
e-mail tigerteam1@gmail.com
.
PRODUCTION INFO - For more details, click on PRODUCTIONS button at the top of the page
Plays by Janet S. Tiger have been performed throughout
the world including United States, Canada, England, Austria and New
Zealand. If your group has performed a play by Janet S. Tiger and
would like to have it listed on the PRODUCTIONS page which will include
international productions, please e-mail details of the production to tigerteam1@gmail.com.
Unusual facts about some of Janet S. Tiger's productions-
1st Reading - UGANDA at a Scripteasers meeting in....a long time ago. (See info about the one-act SCRIPTEASE.)
1st production - SCRIPTEASE (one-act) in 1981 was directed by William Virchis
Janet S. Tiger's plays have won awards five times in the DFAS National One-Act Playwriting Contest -
THE WAITING ROOM -2nd place 1982
THE AFFIDAVIT - 1st place 1983
BLIND WOMAN'S BLUFF - 3rd place 1984
SAVE A PLACE FOR ME - Honorable Mention 1989
CURSE OF THE DUCHESS- 2nd place 1990
The first three prizes were won by Janet Schechter (the 'S' in Janet S.
Tiger), the others after she married Stanley Tiger. Janet
traveled to Dubuque, Iowa to watch the productions in 1982, 1983
and 1984, and made many friends that she still is in touch with
today. For more info on the DFAS Contest, google Dubuque Fine Arts Players One-Act Playwriting Contest
Copyright 2005 Janet S. Tiger. All rights reserved.
